without a stripe

【Whitout a Trace（失蹤現場）】很好看的。除了要在跟時間賽跑的壓力下以有限的線索抽絲剝繭找出失蹤的人口，劇情當然會很緊湊之外，角色的深刻刻畫尤其是戲劇張力的重點所在。當然，除了感人催淚是必備的情節之外，偶爾來點搞笑歡樂的橋段調劑一下也是讓人會愈來愈喜歡這部影集的重要原因吧。

前天公共電視台播出了第二季第 14 集《The Line》，有這麼一段實在太可愛，讓我忍不住一定要來加油添醋竄改台詞一番，寫在日記上以便於日後時時可以回味這個無敵爆笑的記憶。

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原始劇本是這樣子寫的：

[EXT. NEW YORK CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. DEBBIE'S BUILDING-- DAY]
(SAMANTHA pushes the door open and VIVIAN walks in, gun drawn. They head through the hallway toward the apartment.)
(They stop outside apartment door 1A, noticing that the door is ajar. VIVIAN and SAMANTHA glance at each other, then VIVIAN kicks the door in.)
VIVIAN: FBI!
(The LANDLADY, a woman in a pink bathrobe and curlers in her hair, steps out in front of the doorway. VIVIAN and SAMANTHA stare at her.)
LANDLADY: You looking for Bob?
VIVIAN: Yeah.
LANDLADY: Well, he's staying with Debbie downstairs.
(Off screen, a door slams. VIVIAN and SAMANTHA turn to catch BOB.)
[EXT. OUTSIDE BUILDING - DAY]
(Naked BOB BELLAQUA runs out of the building trying to get away. VIVIAN steps out of the building with her gun in her hands.
VIVIAN: Hey!
SAMANTHA: FBI!
VIVIAN: FBI! Freeze!
(BOB BELLAQUA ignores them and continues running. Two other FBI agents step out of their cars, their weapons drawn. BOB sees them and stops.)
AGENT (MAN): FBI!
(BOB BELLAQUA turns around and heads back toward VIVIAN and SAMANTHA.)
SAMANTHA: FBI! Freeze!
VIVIAN: Hold it!
(VIVIAN pushes BOB face forward toward the nearest parked car.)
VIVIAN: Come on. Back over there. Yeah.
(She gets him in cuffs and turns him over.)
VIVIAN: All right now.
(Trying not to look, VIVIAN grimaces.)
VIVIAN: Oh.
SAMANTHA: (mutters) Give him your jacket.
VIVIAN: (no way) Use your own jacket.
SAMANTHA: Cover it up, Bob.
(He doesn't say anything. He's in cuffs, what's he gonna do?)
BOB BELLAQUA: I was taking a bath.
SAMANTHA: Next time try hot water.
(VIVIAN smirks. BOB shrugs.)
FADE OUT.
(COMMERCIAL SET)

Vivian & Samantha 一起去找據說是頭號嫌犯，那個因買賣贓物被收押、但又棄保潛逃、暫時借住老媽家躲風頭的中年禿頭男子。舉槍分站門口兩邊，開門準備突入。

「FBI！」



（睡眼惺忪的老媽子穿著粉紅睡衣戴著粉紅頭套和一頭髮捲從廚房裡走出來...）

「呃...」

『妳們是要找我那沒用的兒子吧？她跟她女朋友在樓下啦。』



（砰！匡噹！）
「可惡！」有人聽到聲音逃跑了。



Vivian & Samantha 持槍追了出去。樓下還有兩位支援的探員也拔槍開始追逐包圍聞風喪膽拔腿就跑的嫌犯。其實不對，這不是逃跑，這種應該叫作裸奔。這種天氣打扮得這麼漂亮是不可能逃到哪裡去的吧我說。

「站住！厚～都已經叫妳別再跑了啦！」



「轉過身去！」Vivian 為裸奔男銬上手銬。



「喂，老兄，自己遮一下好唄？」Vivian 忍不住向下瞥了一眼。雙手被反銬的裸奔男囁嚅著卻說不出話。



「用妳的外套幫她擋一下吧。」Samantha 受不了了。
「為什麼不用妳自己的外套啊？」遇到這種事，向來據理力爭的 Vivian 是絕對不會讓步的。



『 哎喲，人家剛剛在洗澡啦~~~ *抖*』



雖然一定是千百個不願意，這種時候任何人還是都很可能會又「不小心」多看了一眼的吧我猜。
Samantha 也不例外。

「喔，天氣這麼冷，不要省熱水啦。」
（沒有說出口的弦外之音是，妳瞧妳，都縮成這麼迷你這麼可愛了，好可憐喲... ）

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PS. 原本想藉機運用一下大寶寫的 media@ blog 的。正是最恰當不過的時機了不是嗎？版面也會清爽很多。但一想到還要把要用的圖抓下來另存再一一更改檔名然後上傳到哪個網路空間，就覺得乾脆還是直接盜連到某偉大 WaT fan 架設的擷圖網站就算了。老實說這樣真的輕鬆省事多了啊嗚嗚嗚...

PS.2（後來盜連還是被擋住了。可是我仍然懶得照日期改檔名放在同一資料夾。所以還是直接傳到養樂多的網路空間去就算了...可惜我的 Macromedia Flash 版本好像不合，沒辦法拿大寶的原始程式碼試著自己改改看...）

PS.3（後來蕃薯藤不再養樂多，還不支援圖片的外連，我都差點忘了自己本來寫過這篇文章還沒備份過來。還好 Google 的頁庫存檔還找得到原始舊文...）